How many crises in life and work could be averted if we just paused for one extra sentence?
On the latest episode of Daily Creative, I sat down with Pulitzer Prize winner Charles Duhigg, author of Supercommunicators, to dig into both the science—and the practical reality—of why communication so often fails, and what actually creates genuine connection. Together, we unpacked the hidden costs of miscommunication (including a chilling hospital story), the three conversation types we get tangled up in, and game-changing tactics to move from talking at people to understanding and aligning with them. Whether you’re managing teams, trying to understand a stubborn family member, or just trying not to set off another email misunderstanding at work, this conversation offers tools you’re probably not using…but should be.
Here are five truths from the episode that are worth pinning up in your mental workspace:
1. Communication isn’t what you say; it’s what the other person actually hears.
We love to assume that, because something left our keyboard or our mouth, it’s been received as intended. The unfortunate reality? Meaning only happens when what you meant and what they heard overlap. This explains why checklists in medicine or aviation rely on “closed-loop” confirmation—not because people aren’t smart, but because assumptions are silent saboteurs. That one extra sentence, the simple double-check, can avoid a world of pain—not just in hospitals, but in any human interaction.
Where are you assuming agreement in your daily conversations instead of confirming understanding?
2. There are three types of conversations—and mismatched types guarantee misunderstanding.
Every discussion you enter is actually several conversations layered on top of one another: practical (solving problems); emotional (expressing or processing feelings); and social (negotiating roles or status). If you’re stuck debating next year’s vacation, pause: are you fixing logistics, expressing anxiety, or negotiating family politics? If you talk facts when someone else is swimming in feelings, neither of you is heard. Supercommunicators spot this early, then match (or guide) the conversation type.
Next time there’s tension, can you spot which conversation type you’re having versus the one they’re having?
3. Understanding should precede persuading—or disagreeing.
We often leap into “convince and conquer” mode, but as Charles explained, echoing someone’s stance before you offer your own actually makes them more receptive. It’s not about surrendering your view—it’s about social reciprocity and reducing defensiveness, creating a climate where disagreement doesn’t destroy connection. Whether you’re mediating a workplace disagreement or talking to your opinionated uncle, loop for understanding first and only then pivot to your point of view.
When was the last time you made sure someone felt truly heard before sharing your own opinion?
4. Deep questions unlock deeper relationships.
Superficial questions keep conversations small. But when you ask someone, “What made you decide to do what you do?” (rather than “Where do you work?”), you invite authenticity. The beauty: deep questions aren’t just for therapy sessions; they reveal stories and motivations, and naturally invite mutual sharing. Not everyone will dig deep every time, but just by asking, you set the tone for a more meaningful connection.
What’s one deep question you could ask a colleague or friend this week?
5. Non-linguistic and digital cues require intentional attention.
We pick up on defensive postures, tone shifts, and even emotional content in a text or email, whether consciously or not. But digital spaces are uniquely prone to misfires (sarcasm is practically radioactive in an email), and genuine warmth travels further than we think—just by being a little more explicit and especially polite. Reviewing what you wrote and considering how it will land can save hours of cleanup and rebuild trust along the way.
What’s a small tweak you could make in your next written message to ensure clarity and care?
No matter your role, every breakthrough tends to be on the far side of a better conversation.
As Charles Duhigg reminds us: the goal isn’t to “win”—it’s to build enough understanding that disagreement can feel productive, not personal.
This week, try asking one deep question. And pick up the phone to reconnect with someone on the fringes of your network—you might be one overlooked conversation away from realignment.
